What should you do when faced with betrayal, hurt, anger or disappointment? You can choose to react differently, by taking responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. You do this in full awareness that others do not ‘cause’ your feelings. You choose your own. We have to learn to let go of disappointments and get on with our life. We need to forgive.
This is especially difficult when other people don’t seek our forgiveness, or indeed when they are clearly in the wrong and don't deserve to be forgiven. Never mind -- let go! In such situations, forgiveness allows you to let go of a no-win situation and walk out of it unscathed.
Think of two people who have hurt you, made you angry or let you down recently -- two people about whom you still feel animosity. Now ask yourself: what is my animosity doing to me? Do I feel happy holding on to it? Does it make me feel happier? Does it improve my sleep? Is my life better, richer, more meaningful because of my resentment? If the answer to all the above questions is ‘No,’ then take a courageous decision.
Let go! Walk away from the disappointment and the bitterness!
A girl came to a holy man and said, “I know not why, but I am unable to sit in silence and pray or meditate. I feel restless. I used to be so happy.”
The holy man asked, “Try to think why this is happening.”
The girl answered, “I think it has something to do with one whom, at one time, I regarded as a friend. But she was very cruel to me, and I said that I would never forgive her, never talk to her. I am sorry I said it, but since then there has been no peace in my heart. What shall I do?”
The holy man said, “It is better to break a bad vow than to keep it. Go to her and seek her forgiveness.”
The next morning, she went to her friend and confessed her uncharitable attitude and asked her forgiveness. Her friend burst into tears. She said, “You have come to ask for forgiveness. It is I who should be asking for forgiveness, for I am ashamed of my attitude.” The two friends were reconciled.
To arrive at forgiveness, one has to pass through four stages. The first is the stage of hurt. Someone has wronged me, done something mean to me. Someone has been unfair to me and I cannot forget it. I feel hurt. The hurt keeps on throbbing in me. Remember that it is not I who feels hurt, but the ego.
Hurt leads to hate, which is the second stage. I cannot forget how much I have been hurt and I cannot send out thoughts of goodwill to my enemy. In some cases, I hate the person so much that I want him to suffer, as much as I am suffering.
The third stage is of healing. God’s grace comes to me and I begin to see the person who has hurt me in new light. I begin to understand his difficulty. My memory is healed and I am free again.
The fourth stage is of coming together. I am anxious to make friends with the person who hurt me; I invite him into my life. I share my love with him and we both move to a new and healed relationship.
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